How to Set Boundaries: Small, Gentle Steps to Start Creating Space for Yourself

If Setting Boundaries Feels Hard, You’re Not Alone

For many people, especially those who tend to put others first, setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable or even selfish. You might worry about disappointing people or coming across as “too much.” But boundaries aren’t about pushing people away—they’re about protecting your time, energy, and emotional wellbeing so you can show up more authentically in your life.

If you’re new to this process, it’s okay to start small. The most lasting boundaries often begin with simple, mindful changes.

1. Notice Where You Feel Drained

Before you set any boundary, take time to notice what’s not working.
When do you leave a conversation feeling resentful, exhausted, or anxious? What situations make you feel overextended? These moments often highlight where your boundaries are missing or being crossed. Awareness is the first and most important step.

2. Create a Pause Before Saying “Yes”

If you’re used to saying yes automatically, try building in a moment of reflection.
You might say, “Let me think about it and get back to you,” or “I’ll need to check my schedule.”
This small pause helps you make decisions that respect your time and capacity instead of reacting out of obligation.

3. Practice in Low-Stakes Situations

Start where it feels safe.
You don’t have to set your first boundary with your boss or a close family member. Try saying no to an optional social event, or let a friend know you can only stay for an hour instead of the whole evening. Small boundaries build your confidence over time.

4. Communicate Clearly and Kindly

Boundaries work best when they’re clear and direct. You can express them respectfully without overexplaining:

• “I’m not available for calls after 8 p.m.”

• “I can’t commit to that this week.”

• “I need some quiet time this weekend.”

Remember—clarity is kind. It helps others understand what you need without confusion or resentment.

5. Set Boundaries with Yourself, Too

Boundaries aren’t only about other people. Sometimes, they’re about how you manage your own energy.
That might mean limiting social media before bed, taking regular breaks, or giving yourself permission to rest. Internal boundaries help you stay grounded and intentional in your daily life.

6. Expect Some Discomfort (and Keep Going)

It’s completely normal to feel guilt or anxiety at first. These emotions don’t mean you’re doing something wrong—they mean you’re changing a pattern. The more you practice, the more natural it becomes to honour your needs without apology.

Healthy Boundaries Are Acts of Self-Respect

Setting boundaries is not about control or distance—it’s about connection. When you protect your energy, you create space for authenticity, rest, and genuine relationships.

Even small boundaries can make a big difference. Start gently, practice often, and remember that your needs are valid. Over time, these small steps lead to greater confidence, calm, and balance in your life.

If You’re Struggling to Set Boundaries, Therapy Can Help

Learning to set and hold boundaries is a process—and you don’t have to do it alone.
Therapy can offer a supportive space to explore where boundaries feel difficult and to build confidence in expressing your needs.

If this resonates with you, I’d be honored to help you work toward healthier, more balanced relationships. You can book your free, 30 minute consultation here.